this month

This month has been an emotional marathon. i've been working through some of the most difficult and profound feelings i've had in years. With the open-ended construct of my day to day life, i am stuck with feeling it through with few distractions.

I've been relying on the people in my life that i trust and have the capacity to let me explain my feelings, and get their feedback. if you're one of them and are reading this, thank you so much. I made it a personal catch-phrase this week to 'ask advice' and I've been so happy with the results so far. I also asked an older, wiser friend to be a mentor and met with him to see how that might work on a monthly basis.

this week is the precipice of the android market and getting feedback on the project ive been working on for the past few months feels satisfying to have arrived. it also throws fuel on the fire of where i'm going next. for the last few months i've had an answer. now that answer might have to change in order to remain compelling. i've taken a step back from the computer this week because my ability to concentrate on work issues has been decimated by the strength of the other feelings.

i described my situation as having someone remove all my internal organs, rearrange them, and put them back. if pain is motivational, im highly motivated right now, but not sure in what direction to run. i see parts of myself that i haven't been paying attention to before. subtle things that people don't generally volunteer. for instance i believe that in certain situations in conversation, i have a pained looked on my face that doesnt communicate what i'm trying to say. I'm not sure where it comes from but now that i am better at noticing it, i can look at where that might be coming from. i focus on identifying misplaced feelings and try to stay in the present moment.

see you at ignite portland...