the last 24 hours have been pretty frantic. i went to a PTP meeting last night, which was good. then on the way home i got really excited about a little project idea. once i got home i spent an intense 3 hours coding it. then its later than i want to get to bed, then oh yeah i was supposed to turn on the dryer to dry the sheets i washed. now i have to stay up even later for that.

i have some serious homework to do but i havent been doing it because its not due until sometime in the future greater than 3 days. in my head its like two people, one person is pleading with the other to work on writing the theory paper. the other is afraid of the stress and axiety that surrounds the "homework issue" and deals with it by ignoring the problem. unaware that its the ignoring that is the problem, not the paper itself. i was good last week, i put in some hours on two different projects that kept me on track. what good feeling.

current factors a) im down to the last $3. when i had money to spend, most of it went to food while on-campus. im trying to take as much food with me from home as possible. b) school money is just around the corner. i can buy things again (yea), i'll have more debt(boo) c) my housing situation will change soon. the best option, getting a room with housemates, is easy to put off and put off. d) im hoping my bike tire holds up until the end of the week. my pump and front light were stolen this year e) i keep feeling like im on the verge of being sick. most of the time i feel fine but sometimes i feel this chest cold coming on.

longer term factor when i started school, i lost a big chunk of my support network. I didnt see Dave as much, or darrin or anyone else. Having K leave is something Im still struggling with.

Once the midterm mark passed (mid-feb), I let go of my schedule. relaxed, destressed, started slacking again. it showed me how rigerous I was living, which got me through this quarter. if you work hard it has to be balanced by playing hard. i've forgotten how to play.

"They cursed us. Murrrderer they called us. They cursed us! And we wept. We wept, to be so alone. And we forgot the taste of bread... the sound of trees... the softness of the wind. We even forgot our own name. ”