just before the PTP election, i was told by a friend of mine that I had no business leading people and was doing PTP a disservice by running for president. I thought the comment had a bit of truth but was mostly misplaced anger. i was offended and hurt because leading people has always been something i admired in others and tried to develop in myself. after finally talking to this person some more about it, the person stands by what was said, but also apologized. i felt better about it. there is a remaining issue in my mind, though. this person happens to be the lead of project F. what im concerned about is being in an environment where i am not respected. the other members of project F i could take shit from, but the lead position i feel differently about. what if project F grows to 30 employees and i am held back from leading a department of the company? i have to believe that there is at least the possibility of me doing anything, including people-oriented things, i set my mind to.

my thoughts are those of a victim when to be in controll is simply changing your state of mind. what do i want to happen? I feel that project F needs to be taken down and reworked as a project that is based on opne standards and starts with the development of open standards. the commercial opportunities comes from putting those open standards into use for businesses. our database would be the best. thats why people would come to our implementation of the standard. much like anyone can run a web search engine, but people go to google because its has the largest db and the best query engine. i told said person that i was quitting project F. to quit is the most basic, blunt, crude form of exerting control over a situation. im not sure if thats the right option. with 3 of the 4 project F members employed, id be basically working on the project myself.

ps, if someone wants to buy me a Clie UX50, that'd be A-OK. After my last Palm, I wrote of PDAs as a novelty. Im ready to try the next generation.