i hope to make enough money to cover the taxes i should have paid earlier in the year. today was a tough day at 'consultant boot camp' which is what i think of my time at isla sorna. its a good experience overall. there are some real feelings involved and i get to do some real java development. im disappointed in myself in what i dont know. some of my java lackingness really showed today. we had a meeting and i finally realized why we couldnt use EJBs and access the database with stored procedures. that threw a wrench in the works and i may have talked myself out of a job. still im proud of myself for acting against the flow and saying what i knew was the truth, even when it wasnt what people wanted to hear.

i have a lot of questions about what is meaningful in life. its very strange and empowering to be acutally making money again - althought i havent seen a dollar, yet. im reminded of my early days, contracting at Intel right after college. the huge cube farms, the ID cards and door access cards, the IT dept and new workstations. the cafeteria and the all the middle-aged adults. the work has been demaining, even though im on my butt 8 hours a day. the manager is firm, with hints of his own problems coming through in his style. dealing with him has been a very good exercise, although scarry at first. i feel fortunate to be a contractor and glad i havent been living the cube jockey life style my whole adult life. its stifling, physically and emotionally. at one point this moring there was a chorus of coughing from three people in as many directions. if i do stay on this job, i will be working off site soon, which is good. the cube is a good place to work though. free from distractions at home or at the cafes.