wow its early. nothing to do but write in my livejournal. i went on a date last week with a woman in my building. She is 18 years old and lives on the 5th floor. I had a good time. I would like to go out with her again but something is wrong. She cancelled our second date and didnt call me this weekend.

I had dinner at dad&elaine's last night. that was good. now that i have my guitar back, i have been playing it. i am looking forward to the next portland guitar society meeting. i used to really enjoy going to those meetings. Its funny how I can be in a groove of enjoying something, like going to PGS meetings, and then something will happen and Ill get out of the groove. Then it wont ever occur to me to just get back into the groove. My birkenstocks were like that. For years after i graduated I would wear my birks religiously. I loved them. Then one day I lost a pair. It never occurred to me to get another pair. That sounds like a simple notion. Yet it was profound when last year or so I thought 'I really could use another pair of birkenstocks.' Now I have a new pair and they are great. Just like my old pair. Why didnt I do that earlier? I dont know. I just didnt think of it.

Im talking about the feeling of concerted effort. The idea of willpower. According to Anthony Robbins, it is something that should be developed. Build your 'decision making muscles' as he would say. There are ideas in buddhism that seem to say the opposite thing. Desire is the root of all suffering. Achievement, or any change, is violence against the self. Modern interpretations of that idea put it through heavy interpretation.

Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result. It is a really high priority to find a significant other. Im mostly going to work everyday and staying in at night and expecting to meet someone.